Former gay and current crazy James Hartline (who bears a striking resemblance to the almost-as-crazy preacher from "Poltergeist 2" - see above and try to guess which one is which) is blaming the gays for the fires stampeding across Southern California:

Each time homosexual activists attempt to force their agenda on California, there have been raging, massive, incinerating fires sweeping across the California landscape.

Today, people are running for their lives as 800 California homes have burned down and the firestorm is spreading like a nuclear holocaust. Yet, the radical homosexual anarchists rampage upon the streets of this state demanding the destruction of marriage and family, and the establishment of their socialistic dark vision for society.

. . . They Would Not Listen -- And Now We Are Burning!
They shook their fists at God and said, "We don't care what God says, we will issue our legal brief to support gay marriage in San Diego!" Then Mayor Jerry Sanders mocked the Christian vote and signed off on this rebellious legal document to support same-sex marriage.

And then the streets of La Jolla under the Mt. Soledad Cross began to cave in. They shook their fists at God and said, "We don't care what the Bible says, We want the California school children indoctrinated into homosexuality!"

The San Diego lunatic who, according to his website, is doing everything he can to save his city, "from fighting illegal porn stores to exposing the corruption within the homosexual agenda, James is being used to confront the powers of darkness in San Diego, California" also has a book out so that we can "now read the amazing life and death struggle James Hartline fought to leave the homosexual lifestyle."

Could you imagine? I really think James and medavog, the stellar gay San Diego reporter ("The Berlin Wall, to name a few") whose startling Prop 8 documentary has forever changed my view of the world, should hang out and have a nice chat. I kind of hope medavog's real name is Carol Ann.

Click below to jump to the full size players or click here to launch them in a new window. Or just hang out and watch them in The Media Bar next door.

Today's Gigantic Media Bar is so big because so much happened over the weekend! Let's get started.



Daily Song:
Fleet Foxes
"White Winter Hymnal"







Television:
SNL
Justin Timberlake as one of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" backup dancers (5:01)
and
Paul Rudd and Adam Samberg get gay and naked in "Everyone's A Critic"
and
"The Kissing Family"
It's real, real gay.



Politics:
4 Prop 8 videos
Melissa Etheridge's wife Tammy Lynn appears on Oprah and attempts to singlehandedly destroy the right for gays to marry. Best line from Lady's Brunch Burger Award-winner Tammy Lynn: "I don't care about the word 'marriage.'"(9:45)

Wanda Sykes comes out! Yup, the woman who convincingly argued that everyone getting fucked in the ass might just save all marriages has come out! Best line in her coming out speech? "I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud to be black. And I'm proud to be gay." (4:24)

Ashton Kutcher on Bill Maher. Best line from Kutcher: "It's unconstitutional!"

A Mattachine Society-era Michelangelo Signorile puts on the best display of rational thinking so far by any of our gay spokespeople. Best line from Signorile: "Are you going to let me talk, Maggie?"

And then there's medavog, the youtube user who uploaded what could possibly be not just the best Prop 8 video out there, but very possibly the best video of any kind in the past six months.

Click below to jump to the full size players or click here to launch them in a new window. Or just hang out and watch them in The Media Bar next door.

Daily Song:
Fleet Foxes
"White Winter Hymnal"

Politics?

And then there's medavog, the youtube user from my hometown of San Diego who uploaded what could possibly be not just the best Prop 8 video out there, but very possibly the best video of any kind in the past six months. Favorite line: "The Berlin wall, to name a few."


Television:

Justin Timberlake as one of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" backup dancers (5:01)

Television:
Paul Rudd and Andy Samberg get gay and naked in "Everyone's A Critic"

Television:

SNL "The Kissing Family"
This should be called "The Gay Kissing Family" (4:10)

I have no idea how I could have missed this! My girlfriend (Rachel Maddow), in response to Sarah Palin's accusation that pajama-wearing bloggers are making things up about her, wears pajamas during her broadcast to show her solidarity with bloggers. She said she's basically a blogger on TV. [Via Think Progress]

Even more Rachel to love.

Joe Scarborough is losing it. Now that he's being chased by the Democrats, he's started throwing F-bombs around on live TV. I love the panelist's face -- his jaw actually drops.

A straight guy tests his straight friend to see if he's gay. The only way he knows how. Probably NSFW. (Turn the youtube volume control up.) Via feyfriends.

I wasn't sure how real this was last night, but will.i.am was being interviewed by hologram. For real. It looks just like when the Star Trek characters would get beamed up. Watch will.i.am's hologram interview in the first video (fast-forward about 20%), and then watch an explanation of the technology in the second video.

From G4's Moments in De-Evolution: "See what happens when frat dudes have too much time and booze on their hands." Unfortunately, it's not that kind of fun, but it does involve a urinal at the end. Safe for work.

I was thinking last night that maybe guys who are into bears are the only real gays. The only real and true ones. I mean, look, 10,000 years ago, being gay meant being a guy who was attracted to beards, chest hair, body hair. There weren't a lot of razors or tweezers (or soaps), for men or women. But women, generally speaking, do not have heavy facial hair. Or chest hair. Or back hair. Gay people evolved to be bear-lovers, so maybe those of us (including myself) who sort of prefer a shaven (or slightly scruffy) guy might not have been so gay way back in the day. Maybe most of us aren't really gay.

Imagine this: It's 25,000 years ago, and you are out hunting for some now-extinct game because your tiny little village needs something to eat for dinner because, let's face it, the Flintstone's berries you've all been snacking on just aren't cutting it anymore. It's you, trekking through the savannah wearing a cute little loincloth, carrying your stone arrowhead, wondering how exactly you kill a three-toed sloth. Suddenly, you come across a couple, a male and a female, bathing in a clear pond that you had planned on drinking out of at some point.



You haven't had any kind of sex because the savannah is just not all the popular these days, and you've been wondering what you're supposed to do with all these body parts. You hide inside of some long grass and quietly try to unwrap your loincloth while spying on the couple as they walk out of the pond, their bare skin glistening with water. And then you start fantasizing. Nature takes over, and you need to have one of them. Do you start thinking about touching the hairy beast of a man with the two-foot ponytail and the three-foot beard infested with millions of parasites? Do you imagine kissing his mouth after parting his handlebar moustache with both hands so you could at least see his lips?

Or, do you imagine touching the smooth-ish woman? Sure, her legs are kind of hairy, and so are her armpits. But that's kind of hot. Her face is pretty smooth, although she's a little too round in some places. But it's either her or Sasquatch. Which person do you pick?

See, that's what I mean. You just might pick the woman. You might prefer the woman. But the bear-lover wouldn't. Not then and not now. He'd pick that beast of a man every time. Really, bear-lovers should be treated like gay royalty since they have a lineage stretching back millenia.

I have been racking my brains for the past month trying to come up with the permanent name (and address) for my blog. I've been wanting to name it so it sounds like a bar, since a bar/lounge has been the metaphor I've been building the entire site around (The Media Bar, The Info Lounge, Audio Espresso, Quick Shots, Sidewalk Sale, Bar Snacks), but I haven't been able to come up with anything that I love.

So, I turned to the internet for some inspiration. I mean where else is there, right? I decided to utilize the collective creativity of a billion voices. I wanted to harness the synergistic tension that comes from so many interconnected minds. I needed to rely upon the technological revolution that is reshaping not just the sharing of information but information itself.

I came across a site with members who recommended bar names. Here are their recommendations:

my friend and i have long dreamed of owning a bar called Hammer Time. any time we hated our jobs and our lives, we'd just sit on the couch in our apt and drink beer and talk about what we'd have at hammer time.

i've always thought that "spuyten duyvil" sounds cool. i was just googling it to check the spelling, and found that it's owned by the same people that own "fette sau" -- also another cool name (restaurant though, not bar).

There is a place in the midwest somewhere, not quite sure where; has the name "The Stumble In". I for one, think that is an amazing name.

My bar is going to be "The G Spot."

Male Strip Club: The Package Room

How about "The Flatulent Bear?" It has more syllables and sounds more interesting than "The Drunken Bear." It would have this hand-carved wooden sign that looked like a bear leaning over and turned to me and asked what I wanted saying "Pull My Paw!"

If I had a friend who wondered wistfully what we'd drink at "Hammer Time," I'd lean over and punch him in the fucking face. And then I'd drag him him out of my apartment by his hair while saying, "That's what you're having at Hammer Time!"

Help me. Somebody. Please

Maureen "Marcia Brady" McCormick is back! As part of her worldwide tour to promote her new book, "Here's The Story," Maureen has moved from the morning show confines of The Today Show to the free and nasty Howard Stern Show. Check out the clip the Language NSFW clip above. And then tell me you aren't going to rush out and buy her book.

on Vimeo.
Via Gizmodo: "[T]his Fin-Fish R/C blimp floats so gracefully through the air that it is liable to hypnotize you at your office desk until quittin' time."

I kind of hope this is a little bit real.
Via I'm Not Obsessed.
Reba McEntire Reincarnated?

Michael Musto wants to get laid . . . to rest here.

Man vs Wild's Bear Grylls naked again. Kinda NSFW, but it looks like it was really cold, so there's not, uh, a lot to see.

People Magazine's with this week's Five Funniest Moments of Daytime TV

Leona Lewis gets booed?

The airdates of The Final 10 Battlestar Galactica episodes

Boys dancing in their underwear on omgblog.

The official Britney Spears site launches

How do you get over your fear of acting like a pig? Dan Savage says, "Here’s the thing about male piggishness, kiddo: women dig it; fags do too." I think the fags might just dig it a little bit more . . . .

Apparently, we take our bathroom habits for granted when we really shouldn't because, like James Kotecki's political satire, American toilet hygiene is not something to be especially proud of. But no one is talking about how using toilet paper is not the best way to get clean "down there."

The world divides into water cultures and paper cultures. This comes into quite stark relief in Japan because Japan used to be a paper culture. Two hundred years ago they used sticks or stones or paper. And now, because Japan has had a toilet revolution, they've turned into a water culture, and they have very high-tech toilets with in-built bidets and drying systems that can massage you and probably sing to you.

But the U.S. and the U.K. stubbornly remain paper cultures, and attempts to introduce bidet toilets have failed. Hygienically, bidet toilets are infinitely superior. Using toilet paper to clean yourself down there makes about as much hygienic sense as cleaning yourself with a towel and imagining you're rubbing off the dirt. We've got a very unhygienic way of cleaning a place of our body that we would like to be very clean.

Overall, better bathroom hygiene "has added 20 years to the modern lifespan, so this thing that we won't even discuss is actually responsible for perhaps decades of all of our lives." But, like lots of things, we could be doing it better.

Head over to Salon to read the full article.

No matter who wins the election, we will have a left-handed President. Watching the debate last night, it finally hit me that we'd have a left-hander no matter what, which is great by left-handed me.

I did some poking around, and I learned that not since the three-way left-handed race between George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton and H. Ross Perot has the country been guaranteed a left-handed leader. Did you know Al Gore was left-handed, too? Maybe we should vote like this: Vote for the left-handed candidate unless he is Republican. If we were to vote like that, we'd get Clinton, Gore, and Obama.

Other left-handed Presidents: James Garfield, Harry Truman and Gerald Ford. And possibly Herbert Hoover.

Marcia was a druggie. And a prostitute. And bulimic. And then fat. And she's written a book all about it. I don't know why that's all so funny to me. No, no. I do, I do. It was her interview yesterday on The Today Show where she talked about how hard her life was when she was on The Brady Bunch.

In her book:

"McCormick unflinchingly reveals it all: Her romance with Barry Williams, the behind the scenes conflicts and jealousies, the heartbreaking death of her onscreen father and friend Robert Reed, her own dysfunctional family, her early dating (including Michael Jackson and Steve Martin), her years of substance abuse, the cocaine binges and drug-fueled parties at the Playboy mansion and the home of Sammy Davis, Jr. with Hollywood's elite, her unwanted pregnancy, her sex-for-drugs one-night-stands, and ultimately how she found the love, support, and faith that helped her triumph over such extreme adversity.">

Is The Brady Bunch still running fresh episodes? Because it sounds like all of this happened to her last season instead of 50 years ago. And did she know she was acting when she was portraying little Marcia Brady? Maybe she just didn't know, and she really did believe she was the perfect little girl. And, I mean, there is no way she can remember any of what happened to her when she was living it up with "Hollywood's elite." Even if she DID trade sex for drugs. Wait, Steve Martin?

I don't know how I missed this, but Michelle Obama was on Paula Deen?! A few weeks ago?! Michelle was lucky to get out of there alive! You know Paula tried to feed Michelle The Lady's Brunch Burger.


Yes, you are seeing this correctly. This is The Lady's Brunch Burger. A hamburger topped with fried eggs, cheese, and bacon, then sandwiched between a split Krispy Kreme donut, and then drenched in syrup.

(I swear, I tried to link to the original Food Network page, but it's been deleted! There were, I kind you not, death threats against Paula left in the comments section when the page still existed.)

This is the Shower Power! Between this and the Dyna-Douche, your shower caddy should be completely set. It even comes with cartoon demonstrations of possible uses. After the jump. Slightly NSFW.

Via Gizmodo

From Slate:

The U.S. Supreme Court announced Monday that it would not hear the case of a 13-year-old Oregon boy whose parents disagree over whether he should be circumcised. The father claims the boy wants to have the operation, but the mother contends that he is merely bending to his father's will. Now a trial judge will attempt to ascertain the boy's wishes. How can the court determine what the boy really wants?

The case is complicated by the teenager's recent conversion to Judaism. I'm betting Andrew Sullivan is going to step in if he needs to.